If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
