After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Quick, to the slutcave!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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