ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
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The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
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if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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