Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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