Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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