just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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