Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
