What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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