I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
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He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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