Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
