I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
