I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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