I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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