He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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