Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
