yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
