mondays should just be called national damage control day
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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