I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
