If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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