Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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