i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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