I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
