I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize