If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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