it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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