why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
