I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
