Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
