So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
