after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
