And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
