Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
