please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize