Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
