Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
