this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
