Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
