if i died would you start the facebook group?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
