just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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