I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
