He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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