Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
