Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize