my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
