my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
