yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
