I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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