I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
