So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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