It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
