Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
