you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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