So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
