How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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