did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
