where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
