My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
