i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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