I think I won the penis lottery.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
