Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
