Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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