I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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