omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
