You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
