oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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