I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
