Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
