she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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