I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
