Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
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Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
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My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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