Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dear god my vagina.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
