dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
