spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
