As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
